In a talk by Neal A. Maxwell, he talks about drinking a bitter cup without becoming bitter. I understand this idea and understand why it can be a challenge. When I went through the last half of my pregnancy, knowing that Eli would die, life seemed extremely bitter. There was a constant reminder that, while it looked like I would have a healthy, bouncy baby boy, I wouldn't. I hated the questions about when I was due. People would say how exciting it was and how wonderful little boys are. They would ask about my other kids and go on about how my boys would be so excited to have a little brother they could play with. It was all kind hearted, but so painful to hear over and over again. Occasionally, I would just blurt out what was really going to happen so they would stop talking. I'm sure I really made some people feel awful, but I just couldn't listen to it all the time. Other people, who knew what was going to happen, would totally ignore me, because it was too weird to talk to me with an elephant (or me) in the room. It was bitter and I knew it would continue to stay that way for awhile.
After Eli died, I realized that the first 4 months were like an appetizer. The bitterness was deeper and more painful now. But at least complete strangers didn't have a clue what was going on now and wouldn't ask me anymore questions. That was nice.
"Whatever the form the test takes, we must be willing to pass it. We must reach breaking points without breaking. We must be willing, if necessary, to give up our lives-not because we have a disdain for life as some do, but even though we love life-because we are the servants of Him who did that in such an infinite way for all of us. Moreover, partaking of a bitter cup without becoming bitter is likewise part of the emulation of Jesus."
Applying the Atoning Blood of Christ
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