My experience with Miles has been completely different than Eli even though the end result looks roughly the same.  My pregnancy was very quiet, his short life was almost unknown.  He was gone before most people knew he came.  My grief has also been quieter...not inside myself but for everyone around me.  I am learning a lot. What day was Miles due?  He was due January 26th because that is the day he came. I didn't know that (obviously). I anticipated much, much more time with him. That is part of the reason I didn't feel rushed to run out and tell everyone I was pregnant.  I had very strange and conflicting emotions while I was pregnant, but I didn't worry about them too much.  Grief has taught me a few things over the last little bit and I knew that my emotions would be difficult when I got pregnant again. It was a lot worse than I thought, but I was patient with it.  I kept thinking, "I will feel different about this pregnancy.  It will take time, but I will feel different."  Time passed and passed and I didn't really feel that different.  But I didn't worry about it...I had TIME...I would get there.  This would become a joyful and exciting thing for me.  The ultrasound came and I thought, "This will be the moment I begin to feel different.  This is the moment where everything changed for me with Eli, so I just need to get past this part.  I need to go and realize that I am carrying a healthy baby who I can spend my life raising.  I will feel different."  Well, I didn't.  They told me I was carrying a healthy baby boy and there were absolutely no concerns with his development.  The doctors tried to speak peace to my troubled mind with their reassuring words, but I still didn't feel that different.  I was sorrowful.  I was troubled.  I was unsure why I didn't feel joyful or anticipatory about this baby.  I told Jason that I was as sorrowful as if this baby were going to die.  I was pregnant with a healthy baby boy but I had no desire to talk about it with anyone.  I should probably clarify that I did not think he was actually going to die even though I felt so dismal.  I just thought it was my grief and hormones talking.  I knew that Eli was my most recent experience, so it made sense that my mind was not processing this pregnancy correctly.  I knew this baby could die (that wasn't a far fetched idea anymore), but I didn't think he would; especially since we had already had that experience.  I heard plenty of other women celebrating their pregnancies and anticipated changes in their lives.  I was upset that I didn't feel that I could join in their happiness even though I also carried my own beautiful child.  I just kept thinking, "Wow...grief is tricky business and I can't understand why I feel this way, but I will get there.  Maybe it will be when I start feeling him move more.  Maybe it won't be until after his delivery and or when I take him home or even later.  Maybe this is going to be harder that I thought."  I was struggling quite a bit while I was carrying a healthy baby boy. And then he died. He has been in the ground for over 3 months and I was under the impression that he would still be inside my womb.  If that isn't a strange experience, I don't know what is...