I feel like I should write something. I feel like I am trying to keep my mind calm and my heart open. This is easier said than done. I have had moments of great anxiety, but also moments of great peace. I feel like I have too many mundane things to do taking care of the my kids, but am also so grateful I have something to do. I want long stretches of profound silence so I can listen for heaven. I'm sure God is telling me something, but sometimes my house is too loud. If anyone is is awake, besides me, it is too loud. I have always liked the quiet and never seemed to get enough of it. I am understanding more about why I craved this feeling so much. There is so much commotion in the world. It is so loud and rushed and incessant. Even many good things are like this. It's hard to keep up and slow down at the same time. I have been so touched and grateful to see people around me stopping their lives for a minute to feel a part of my life. I know that this is what is TRULY means to "bear one another's burden."I know of many people stopping their lives this coming Wednesday when mine will stop. It is a humbling and safe feeling to know that people care enough to stop and let the quiet in; to let heaven talk by stopping for a time. I know that the feelings of peace I have had the last day or so are because of others faith and prayers for our family. It is deeply appreciated and desperately needed.

I went to the doctor today and had a pretty unpleasant experience. I would rather not go into detail because I have already wasted too much emotionally energy on it. The moral of the story is... Just be nice... Especially if you know something life changing is about to happen to someone. I have been surprised to see how kind some people are that have no idea the struggle we are facing, and how insensitive some people are that know exactly what we are facing. We went to dinner tonight and the college-aged waiter was overly nice to our family. He has no idea what is going on in our lives right now. He could have been annoyed and judgmental when he saw our rambunctious kids, and a haggard looking pregnant women who needed to wash her shirt and her hair. He was just helpful and kind and it was so unexpected. I am grateful for people who give others kindness regardless of what they see on the outside. They must know there is something they can't see. It was a just an interesting comparison to the attitudes of people earlier in the day. We have had so many good, good people who have more than made up for a few unpleasant encounters along the way. I think there are always more good people than bad, if we pay attention.

On a happy note, Eli is now head down. I imagine he will stay that way? I will be going in tomorrow night to start the process. No word on what time... Probably quite late.