awake

A few weeks before we had Eli, a very dear friend sent me the link to a newer Josh Groban song.  I waited a few days to listen to it.  I was a little nervous it would stir up some intense emotions as other Josh Groban songs have done to me in the past.  I finally sat down and listened to it.  I thought maybe it had been written for me and Eli.  It felt like it had.  I cried and cried as I listened to it.  I wanted to hang onto every second with him while he was inside me.  I anticipated his arrival very soon and anticipated that the meeting would be very short.  I had always felt this...  I wanted to be as "awake" as I could be during this time with him.  I wanted to soak up every second feeling him and loving him and memorizing every little part of him.  I knew it would never be long enough, but I hoped I could be present, completely and fully, while he was with us.  God blessed me with that.  I think you will understand why I cried after you hear the song.

Awake

My friends name is April.  She, also, had to say a temporary goodbye to a very precious boy.  She has been an inspiration and source of strength to me.  I have to wonder why her parents named her April.  April must be one of the most enlivening and beautiful months of the year.  Spring gives us a sense of optimism and hope.  She certainly personifies these qualities as much as anyone I have ever met. Parents seem to know something about their kids that the rest of us don't see as early or easily. She came to my door the night before we had Eli, and when I saw her her face, it was as if God had sent one of his most precious angels to my house to strengthen me. I mean that quite literally... she really is an angel sent from God.  I'm so grateful that God left some angels on earth, so the rest of us mortals would be okay.