15 minutes

When Eli was 15 minutes old, I was able to hold him for the first time.  I had a lot of emotions.  I had so much love for him.  I wanted to be as close to him as possible. I felt like I had waited and waited for this moment.  I wanted to see his face.  But mostly, it just felt natural.  It felt like he was supposed to be in my arms.  I never wanted to let him go, but I knew that I would have to very soon.

 Each of our kids was able to hold him.  He still hadn't taken a breath on his own so they were breathing for him throughout this experience. We truly thought it would be the first and last time they held him.  Lincoln didn't want to hold him.  He was a little too nervous. My favorite picture... maybe of all the pictures we got that day, was the one of Ethan holding Eli.  Look at his very innocent and peaceful, yet confident face.  He didn't see the mask on his face.  He saw his brother.  It was a reunion for them.  I have always sensed that Eli and Ethan have a special bond. I didn't have an "experience" to help me understand this... I just know.  I think that is why I love this picture of them so much.  I was worried the kids would be worried because of the mask over Eli's face.  You can see my worry in the picture, but Ethan didn't even see it.  He only saw his brother.