A tribute to Jason

Jason has been by my side for every second of this. When we had our first ultrasound it was him sat there with me and help me try and process what was happening. He has taken care of me through every minute. He laid by me in my bed as I cried and told him hard it was to see other people living their "normal" experience. He sat on the bathroom floor and listened to me cry as I took a bath and wondered how I would make it through the physical aspects of the pregnancy. He held my hand as we walked in and out of so many ultrasounds and other doctors appointments. There were countless night and hundreds of hours where I told him things that were too hard to tell anyone else. He was my place of safety and refuge. I needed him through every step. When everyone else looked around and wondered if I was okay, he came to me and held me and knew when I wasn't. He never tired of the hours and hours of talking that it required for me to process what was happening. He gave me countless massages as I complained about my aching feet and aching back and aching heart. He had my back when someone treated me insensitively.  He came to every appointment I needed him for. He never acted too busy to listen to my concerns at 10:30 on a Thursday morning when he had hundreds of things to do at work. When we saw Elder Holland, he chased him down so I could have the opportunity and privilege to speak with him. He loved me through all the emotions I had: anger, frustration, depression, uncertainty, hopelessness. When I didn't want to go out of the house... he understood and did it for me. If I wanted to stay home from a party, he would take all the kids for me and let me be alone. When we had to go to the hospital, he helped me be brave enough to do it by holding my hand and encouraging me. When I was in labor and completely unable to think or move, he became my voice. He sat by me and always respected what I wanted to do during labor, even if it was hard for him to watch. When people needed to know what was going on, he updated them because I couldn't. When we had Eli, he stood over by his little bed because I was still stuck in my bed. He felt the weight of watching him struggle and wondered if we were doing the right thing. When we enjoyed our 5 hours with Eli, he gave me every opportunity to do what I wanted to with Eli. He gave me first priority in holding and loving him. Before Eli passed away, I tried to let him hold Eli and he insisted that I do it because he knew that's the way it should be. When he passed away, Jason was the one who knelt on the hard hospital floor and praised God for the beautiful experience we had just had. He was the first to think of that. When they took his little body he held me while I just cried. He wanted to comfort and protect me. He held my hand as we walked out to our car through the deserted hospital corridors. When we came home he made sure I had all the things mother needs after she delivers a child. He took care of me. When we went to prepare Eli's body for burial he was there with me. He stood by me and again thanked God and Eli for the marvelous journey that continues today. When we buried Eli, he walked by me as we both carried his casket to his tiny grave. He called upon the powers of heaven countless times in my behalf to strengthen and bless and support me. For the days following Eli's death, he got out of bed before me and made the kids lunches and sent them off to school and snuggled with Lincoln in the couch while I slept and cried in my bed. He answered the door and the endless phone and text messages that I was incapable to answering. I literally don't know what I would have done without him there through each step we have taken on this journey.