Lincoln

Lincoln is my best little buddy right now.  He was such a healing balm for me during my pregnancy and has started to be again.  He loves me no matter what.  He doesn't look at my hair that hasn't been fixed in three days or that fact that I never wear makeup anymore.  He isn't nervous to give me an extra hug if he feels like it.  He doesn't complain when he eats pretzels and grape juice all day.  He just loves me and lets me start fresh each day.  I don't have to explain my misdeeds or bizarre behavior the previous day.  I don't have to fake it for him or put on a front for him...not that I do that a whole lot anyways...He gets excited about everything...samples at Costco, playing with old boxes, finding a rock.  And best of all... he loves music.  It speaks to his big soul.  He loves to hear it LOUD in the car.  It is such a blessing to have him right now.

He has been pretty unaffected by Eli and his death.  He didn't know that babies normally come home from the hospital, so it didn't feel abnormal to him when Eli didn't.  He talks about Eli and accepts our explanations that Eli WAS at the hospital and now lives in heaven with Jesus.  He also accepts that Eli is at the cemetery. I thought he might get confused with all the places we say he is, but he just accepts what we say.  A few weeks ago I told him that we were going to go see Eli.  He asked if we were going to the hospital.  (I so wished we were).  I told him we were going to the cemetery to see him.  He also, somehow, accepts that the patch of grass on Eli's grave is somehow Eli.  He doesn't question it.  During Eli's burial services, Lincoln was running back and forth on the fake grass right by Eli's casket.  He was spilling his pretzels all over. He had no idea what was happening.  It didn't bother me.  I thought it true to form for Lincoln, and I'm sure Eli liked that.  He runs all over when we go to the cemetery.  I have thought I should teach him "cemetery etiquette," and have tried a little, but I think that a little boy running around is a beautiful thing...and I know Eli would prefer that to a somber group of people.