Ethan

 How are the kids doing?  I have talked a little bit about Lincoln.  Now I'll tell you about Ethan.  He is the most tender and sweet.  His little heart understands what has happened, but he is still pretty young (7), and doesn't seem to be negatively affected emotionally.  He talks about Eli quite a bit, but does it in a matter of fact way.  Here are some examples:

The other day he wanted to write Eli's name on our Family Night assignment board.  I asked him what Eli would do for family night.  He said that we could just leave Eli's name on the closing prayer because he could still say the closing prayer...even if he was in heaven.  He always remembers and wants Eli to be included in family activities.

For Christmas, we put up a stocking for Eli.  I wasn't sure what we would do with it, but he is part of our family, and one of my children, and it seemed wrong not to put one up for him.  I didn't buy anything to put in it.  I wasn't sure what to buy.  The whole situation was very odd for me.  Everything was still so fresh and  I couldn't go anywhere in my thought process mid-December.  On Christmas Eve, Ethan made three small gifts for Eli: a candy cane made out of pipe cleaners and beads, a "flute" made out of a old toilet paper roll, and a homemade paper snowflake.  On Christmas morning, I actually had a hard time when there was nothing in Eli's stocking.  It just hung there, kind of limp and it made me sad that I hadn't bought anything.  It's not like he would use it, but I think next year I will buy some things.  It is more about me doing something and treating him like my child than anything else.  But, Ethan saved the day because Eli's stocking did have those three small gifts in it.  Ethan made those same things for everyone and it was no different for him to do it for Eli.  I couldn't have bought anything that would have been as special as the things he made.  Katelyn gave him a hard time about it (I will tell you about her another time), but Ethan was undeterred.  (I definitely talked to her about it!)

When Tawny brought the kids home from the hospital on November 5th, they knew that Eli had passed away.  She very sweetly put them to bed.  What a terribly burdensome responsibility to do something like that after such an eventful and emotion filled day.  I'm sure she had no idea what state of mind they would be in...  I can't even thank Tawny enough for what she did...

As a family, we sing a song to Eli every night.  We started doing it in July.  As the time grew closer for Eli to come, I was so worried about what we would do after he passed away.  Would we still sing the song?  Would that chapter be over?  I never talked about this with anyone.  I just couldn't bear the thought that we would have a "last time" to sing the song to him.  So, when Tawny brought the kids home, Ethan wanted to sing the song to Eli before bed.  Katelyn said that he couldn't sing it anymore because Eli had died.  Tawny, sweetly explained that he could still sing it to Eli.  Eli would still be able to hear him...even in heaven.  So, Ethan sang the song, fully trusting Tawny's words.  We still sing the song.

I just love Ethan so much.  He ha simple and resolute faith.  He hasn't been too emotional about Eli.  He takes everything at face value.  I love that he talks about Eli and very much considers him to be his little brother.  He always wants to make sure that Eli is included and that Eli knows we love him.