I feel like I am glossing over a lot of my emotions because they are too present and unresolved to share. It may seem that I am sharing my most difficult emotions in some of my posts. I am kind of scratching the surface of some of them in my writing. It's a snapshot.... maybe like the tip of an iceberg. I think it takes your mind a while to process certain things. You can't even begin to talk about some things until you have mostly processed exactly what you felt. And somewhere in my head, I intended to say it all... not sure if that was ever a good idea?
One thing I can say, is that it is so interesting to write stuff down RIGHT when you are feeling it. I don't censor it or edit it. I just know that some things are for my eyes only and it is very freeing. I can't even wait until a few days later....you can capture the emotion much more accurately in the moment. It is interesting for me to read these things later, realizing that I DON'T feel THAT way anymore. I could never articulate it after the fact. There is power in the present.
I also realize that I am feeling more like "myself" because as I venture back out into this world, that I seemed to have left in July, I realize that some people don't like what I say. They don't agree or they think that this is a forum instead of a blog. It is my opinion and my experience and maybe it doesn't sound appealing....but oh, happy day- no one has to read it. It is a free county with freedom of speech....for better or worse. I have found myself being more careful about what I say... in order to keep the peace. What a bunch of crap! I don't really operate like that and I certainly haven't for the last several months....mostly because I didn't feel like I was really HERE....in this realm....so I said what I said without thinking of who would like what and where I should edit and where I shouldn't. Sometimes I lack the confidence to say it like it is, but mostly I don't.
