Lincoln is very easy to please, so I was happy. He had 2 requests: A Hello Kitty cake (??) and a red present. He didn't care what was in the present, as long as it was in red wrapping paper. When we went to pick out his cake at Macey's I let him look through the book of all the cakes; Spiderman, Monsters Inc., Toy Story, etc. He had said that he wanted a Hello Kitty cake, but I thought he might change his mind when he saw the other choices. He didn't and I was perfectly happy to buy him the Hello Kitty cake "with the rainbow." I don't know if Jason was perfectly happy? Jason didn't even eat any cake, but it may have been a matter of the excessive food coloring and less to do with the character (although I can't be completely sure). A few days ago we went to pick out some fun plates and ice cream for his birthday. Lincoln wanted Ninja Turtles plates and pink ice cream. He insisted on pink ice cream. I let him pick a candle and he really wanted the number 5. I kept telling him that he was only turning 4. He was well aware of that fact, but told me he liked the number 5 and that's the one he wanted. Wouldn't that be nice if you could just pick whatever number you want to go on your cake. I think he's onto something. We finally agreed on just plain candles with no number. When we went to pick up his cake, he insisted that he bring a purse. He has never done that before. I let him, but later told him that purses are for girls. I don't usually tell my kids that things are for specifically for boys or girls, but I thought Jason would be a bit disheartened to learn that, no only did he pick the Hello Kitty cake, but he was now carrying a purse. Lincoln told me that purses are for boys and girls. I didn't argue further. He carried one around today too.
I think 4 is such a magical age. I love this little boy so, so much. He is so easy to love. He is a total animal and doesn't listen a lot. He eats constantly and makes messes like the Tasmanian Devil. He can't sit still for more than a few seconds it seems and is one big circle story. I was worried I would be "bored" and not have anything to do with just one child home and no baby. That hasn't really been a problem. Grieving takes up as much or more time than taking care of a baby. It wouldn't seem so, but it is the truth for me. It is more exhausting and really is work. I am never bored and am grateful for a bright ray of sunshine. like Lincoln, to keep me company. He is such a light to me. I have a saying on my wall that says: Children are the anchor that hold a mother to life. That means a lot of things to me, but in reference to Lincoln, I feel like he holds me to this life. The one I am supposed to live.... in this world. He helps me understand why I am still here. Without him I would just have my grief as my companion and that would be more than dismal. I know that in time my grief will be less invasive and sweeter in some ways. Even though there will always be sadness, it won't be consuming all of the time. Thank you Lincoln for coming to our family. Thank you for being you and never apologizing for it. I sure love you.
