Am I glad I know?

I have had lots of people ask me if I am glad that I know: yes, I am.  I am happy that we know what is in Eli's and our future for many reasons.  
I feel like there will be 2 distinct moments for us.  One is shock.  We already did that.  It was terrible.  The next will be loss.  I'm sure that will be worse.  I am grateful that these two very different emotions are spaced out a little.  
I am also grateful for some maternal and personal reasons.  I am happy that I am not busy picking out crib sheets and cute onesies, only to find out later that I will never use them.  I am glad that I won't have an empty room in my house that I might have been busy preparing for our new arrival. I know that if i bring a car seat home from the hospital it will be a surprise and a blessing instead of an expectation.
I am also very happy I know because I feel it has changed my outlook on this pregnancy.  I am grateful for every little kick and squirm inside instead of being annoyed that my back hurts and I am nauseated.  I am grateful for the deeply personal connection I feel to Eli, that I may have not searched for if I thought I would have him for a longer earthly life.  I think that all mom's can have this connection to their babies, but we don't always search for it in such a deliberate way.  We take for granted that oneness that occurs as a life if formed inside of us. I am happy that we get to take him on little outings with our family that we might never have done otherwise.  I am grateful for the personal, spiritual experiences I have had that have helped me understand who Eli is and what his mission is and how the family really is central to God's plan.  
We yearn so desperately to be connected to those we love and those connections will be lost if we aren't sealed in the temple.  I cling to the words of the covenants I have made in a way that I never have before.  It's all we have... and its all that matters in the end.