Friends

On Sunday I went to my cousin, Trevin's homecoming.  He just returned from his mission to Mozambique.  The sacrament meeting was so, so good.  There weren't 300 kids in there (like our ward), so it was possible to hear.  The topic was friendship.  At first, I wasn't sure what to expect, but the first speaker was a sweet, soft spoken girl who had just completed her service as a church service missionary.  She talked about friendship.  I was amazed how her voice was so small, but her message wasn't dampened because of it.  Trevin isn't as soft spoken, but a lot more so than I remember him being two years ago.

Trevin, you have grown.  You have grown in knowledge and experience and in the spirit.  You have changed.  There is nothing like seeing a faithful and obedient missionary return.  We have had two missionaries return in our family in the last two months (Lindsay and Trevin), and they both came back different; stronger and older and more firm.

Someone recently said to me that the best thing about having a missionary leave, is when they come back. Ya.  I can see that.  I know they didn't think they weren't intending to talk about my life directly, but they were.  I anticipate that day like no other.  I also have  a missionary out.  He isn't coming back in a predictable fashion.  I don't get "traditional" letters, but I do get them.  I don't get to Skype on Mother's Day or Christmas, but I do communicate.  I haven't gotten any pictures yet...  maybe I just need to think harder.

Anyways, they talked about friendship during this meeting, and it was so powerful and so sweet.  Here are some of the thoughts I have had about "friends" lately:

In the early days (I am meaning early days of my experiences....)I worried that because I hadn't talked to many people, the friendships and relationships I had prior to this experience would sink. They would be buried in a deep abyss and I somehow had to hold onto these people if I wanted to maintain and continue these relationships. It really bothered me for awhile as I thought about how I hadn't talked with "so and so" in months.  I think it was frightening for some people to approach me, and I wasn't doing much approaching on my end (not out of fear....just inability).  I worried these relationships were sinking and they wouldn't come back. But I also felt incapable of reaching out and saving anything. I was just helplessly watching them sink because I had no power to do anything else. I felt myself changing and becoming a new person. I didn't know how I would ever reenter their lives because I would be different. It would be a new acquaintance in some ways. I was still getting to know myself. I still am and I was afraid that they wouldn't recognize me anymore.  

As the months have gone on, and many people have never uttered more than a "hi," if that, I am less stressed and more content. I have stopped worrying so much about these relationships that I thought were sinking. I'm not sure what will happen, but if it was ever worth anything in the first place, it will come back. These relationships will come back from the deep water. If there was enough substance to begin with, it will withstand this storm.  Some might stayed buried and that's okay too.  Others will be stronger and deeper and that's the way it was always supposed to be. Nothing stays the same forever. It gets stronger or weaker, but no relationship is constant. 

As JaLaine would say: I don't need a certain number of friends; just a number of friends that I can be certain of. 

If I can be certain of you, that means a lot to me. 

When you are passing through a fire, people filter in and out of your life pretty easily. It was quite shocking to me at first.  I wanted to hold onto certain people, but  realized my "holding on" wasn't amounting to much.  It they were going they were going, and if they were coming they were coming, and the ones that left were probably never there anyways.  Most of the time I wasn't surprised; a couple of times I was and that was really awful to experience.  

We throw around the term "friend" in such a haphazard way.  We call many of our acquaintances "friends" because it sounds too cold and distance to use the term "acquaintance," but that's really all they are.  What is a friend?  To me, a friend is someone who takes you the way you are.  It is someone who doesn't run the other direction when your house catches on fire.  They are willing to run into the flames and get a little burnt if it means staying by your side.  They help you to become better, but don't push or pull you; rather walk by your side. A friend is constant and forgiving.  A friend, simply put, is just THERE no matter what happens.

 In John 15:13 it says: Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.

As I pondered on this scripture I thought about how friends don't necessarily have to lay down their lives, but maybe something else.  I have had friends lay down their time to listen to me.  I have had friends lay down their fear, and come talk to me even though it is uncomfortable.   I have had others lay down a part of their selfishness and continue to reach out to me even though I don't always reciprocate fully or at all.  We don't always literally lay down our physical lives for our friends, as Christ did, but we can in so many needed and meaningful ways and I think it forges these bonds to be stronger and lasting.

I am truly blessed to have handful of faithful and true friends.