Unsubscribing from life

The day after we buried Eli I did something kind of odd.  I spent some time unsubscribing to all of those emails you get that you never really subscribed to.  I changed my Facebook settings so I would no longer get emails about anything...whether they pertained to me or not.  
I'm not sure why it felt so important to do this, but it did.  I didn't want things cluttering up my mind or my inbox.  I felt like I needed to keep things as simple as possible.  
But besides simplification, I felt detached from the world I had once belonged to.  So much of that world was now irrelevant to me now.  I felt I lived somewhere else now and didn't need information from this planet anymore.  I still feel a lot of those emotions.  I continue to unsubscribe from most things.  I continue to block emails from Facebook.  I have deleted most of the apps on my phone, although Pinterest has found its way back.  I pin things, but keep all of my pins "secret."  Did you know you can do that?  I guess I don't want people watching me and seeing where my heart is that day.  Sometimes I pin recipes.  Sometimes I pin activities for the kids.  Sometimes I pin quotes about grief and sometimes I pin hopeful quotes.  (I should probably disclose that I am not on pinterest that much).  But I feel like I want to control what people know about me.  At times I laugh at myself for keeping all of my pinterest pinnings a secret because I post many intense and personal feelings and moments on my blog. But...I have control over that, so maybe that is the difference.

I think the days (and months) after Eli died  I unsubscribed from life.  I didn't really feel like I had a choice.  My grief washed over me and I was unaware of many things I had been aware of before.  After unsubscribing from almost everything (except sleep) it was easier what I had left. There was no clutter getting in the way.  As I "resubscribe" to things in my life I am very selective what I sign up for.  There are some things that I will never subscribe to again, but you have to subscibe to some things again (like paying your bills on time and making meals), and there comes a time when signing up feels right and makes sense again.  It is a pretty slow process for me.  I am usually comfortable with that because you shouldn't sign up for too many things too quickly. You shouldn't sign up for too many things at all.