Today Lincoln was eating pretzels and a sharp corner of one
of the pretzels poked his mouth. He was upset. He walked into a
completely different part of the house to find me. He told me his plight.
I told him I was sorry and validated that he was hurt. I gave him a
kiss at the point of injury and he walked away content. It was a 15
second interaction.
It started me thinking about what had just happened. I
never "taught" Lincoln that he needed to come find me when he was
hurt. It was just natural for him to. I never told him that he would feel better if I gave him a kiss. I must have done it one time and it soothed him a little, so he set this up as the standard practice after he got hurt; whether the injury was big or small. When he comes to me I don't lecture him
about eating his pretzels more carefully. I don't tell him that lots of
kids eat pretzels and they seem to know how to do it without getting hurt. I don't tell him that he has to pay
the price if he wants to eat such a dangerous food. I try not to tell him
he will be fine and to run along. I just tell him I am sorry he is hurt
and give him a hug or a kiss. I validate his feelings and do what I can to
help him feel better. I don't think a hug or kiss necessarily takes away
his physical pain, but it helps him to know that I am right there with him and I am
sorry he is feeling that pain or hurt.
I think this very simple and
natural idea could go a long way with my interactions with others.
Validate their pain, hurt, anger, grief, sadness, whatever and do what I
can to let them know I am there and I want to help even if I can't do much to take their pain away. Wouldn't that be a better way than the exhausting ritual of
rationalizing my own bad behavior when I act frustrated or too busy or too
tired to sympathize with them? Wouldn't that be better than convincing myself that I know nothing about their experience to offer help so I should keep my distance? A simple, I'm sorry....you
are not alone in this moment.
