Soccer games

Ethan played soccer this spring.  He had his last game about a week ago.  The field that he plays on, is the same field he played at last year.  It is the same field Katelyn played at for a few years starting when she was 6 or so.  We have been there many, many times.  It is adjacent to the cemetery.  You can look through the chain link fence and see headstones.  I have always "known" it was right next to the cemetery, but I don't think I ever even glanced westward into the cemetery.  We used to park in the parking lot that led to one of the entrances to the cemetery.  I had no idea that last spring, when I was pregnant and so sick and dragging myself to Ethan's games, that I would be standing at my child's grave just 6 months later.  I have never been completely naive when it comes to pregnancy because I worked in the NICU and I am diabetic, so they scare you to death telling you that your baby is at high risk for everything (oh, except chromosome problems).  I was terrified when I was pregnant with Katelyn.  But, never in a million years, did I think that a pregnancy would equate with a casket.  It really never occurred to me, which seems odd now.  I had a hard time at the first game this season, wondering how I had previously missed the hundreds of headstones just yards away.  It was bizarre.  Then, as the season went on, and I started watching the games a little better, I realized that I had just been so focused on what was right in front of my face, so I never looked anywhere else.  I think I felt a little disgusted that I had never shifted my focus to anywhere else.  I literally could have looked just 3 inches up and had a totally different vantage point. It is like looking at the spots on your window instead of looking out the window.  Your eyes have to refocus depending on where you are looking.  I never looked that direction because it was never relevant to.  When I went to Ethan's soccer games this spring, it didn't seem relevant to look anywhere else, but towards the cemetery.  The more games I went to the easier it became to watch him while only glancing occasionally to the cemetery.  There isn't much action in a cemetery, as a opposed to a soccer field, but some day that will all change and no one will be watching the field anymore.