Carry them to Him

21 days after I delivered Eli, I got a text telling me that JaLaine was at the hospital delivering her baby girl who had already passed away.  I was sick and heartbroken.  I wondered why this would happen.   I wondered why it had to happen to her.  I thought about what she was probably doing in those moments.  I knew what it was like to be in a hospital room that was normally used for delivering healthy, pink babies knowing that the room wasn't being used for the "normal" use that day (or night).  I had the hope that Eli would be born alive.  It was a hope that mattered very much to me.  She didn't have that hope.  I thought of how supremely unfair that was.  I felt that I should know "what to do" or "what to say."  Shouldn't I, of all people know what to do in that moment?  Seriously.....Eli had died 3 weeks before.  Shouldn't I be the authority on the subject (for the moment, at least).  Well....I did have a couple of ideas, but didn't know exactly what I should say.  You can't "fix" a problem like that and nothing could adequately express how I felt towards her and her family. I thought about JaLaine and imagined that she had already connected very deeply with her child, which would make the pain more intense.  Even though it seems that we had the same outcome: pregnancy and no baby in our arms, the process to get there was quite different.  I went to my 20 week ultrasound and found out that my baby might die.  She went to her ultrasound and found out that her baby had already died.  I carried Eli for 4 months knowing he would die while feeling him very much alive inside of me.  She didn't get to carry Laena anymore.  I say "get to carry" because I mean "get to carry..." not "have to carry."

A song came into my head.  I think I must have heard it on the radio some Sunday, but it had been a long time.  I wasn't sure what it said, but I remembered a few words, so I googled it.  I don't know if I would have done that normally, but I felt the spirit was trying to tell me something and I didn't want to miss any prompting, no matter how subtle or silly it seemed.

It was perfect. It was what I needed to understand about helping JaLaine in that moment.  I about fell over when I heard the second verse about a couple losing a baby boy.  I obviously didn't remember that part of the song:

"Love Them Like Jesus"

The love of her life is drifting away
They're losing the fight for another day
The life that she's known is falling apart
A fatherless home, a child's broken heart

You're holding her hand, you're straining for words
You trying to make - sense of it all
She's desperate for hope, darkness clouding her view
She's looking to you

Just love her like Jesus, carry her to Him
His yoke is easy, His burden is light
You don't need the answers to all of life's questions
Just know that He loves her and stay by her side
Love her like Jesus

The gifts lie in wait, in a room painted blue
Little blessing from Heaven would be there soon
Hope fades in the night, blue skies turn to gray
As the little one slips away

You're holding her hand, you're straining for words
You're trying to make sense of it all
They're desperate for hope, darkness clouding their view
They're looking to you

Just love them like Jesus, carry them to Him
His yoke is easy, His burden is light
You don't need the answers to all of life's questions
Just know that He loves them and stay by their side
Love them like Jesus

Lord of all creation holds our lives in His hands
The God of all the nations holds our lives in His hands
The Rock of our salvation holds our lives in His hands
He cares for them just as He cares for you

So love them like Jesus, love them like Jesus
You don't need the answers to all of life's questions
Just know that He loves them and stay by their side
Love them like Jesus

It seemed like I needed to make sense of what had happened to help her.  I needed some doctrine or revelation to help her.  No, JaLaine needed someone to love her.  She needed someone to stay by her.  She needed what this song said.  I knew that because that is what I needed too. It seemed too simple to really help her and I may have thought the song was too simplistic if I didn't have similar emotions.

But I thought about when Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead.  He went to Mary and Martha and wept with them.  I imagine that most of us would have skipped the weeping part.  If we had the power to raise Lazarus from the dead, we would have ran in there and given everyone Kleenexes and told them to dry their eyes. We would have proudly explained that Lazarus would be raised from the dead and everyone could stop crying now.  But Jesus didn't do that...even though He knew the outcome.  He acknowledged the pain they were in without trying to explain it away or "fix" the problem...even though He actually did fix the problem.  I think we often try to "fix" things that we really have no power to fix.  If we can't fix it, sometimes we do nothing because just telling someone you are sorry and that you love them isn't really going to help them anyways.  But, it is the only that really helps...

It seemed like I needed to make sense of what had happened to help her.  I needed some doctrine or revelation to help her.  No, JaLaine needed someone to love her.  She needed someone to stay by her.  She needed what this song said.  I knew that because that is what I needed too. It seemed too simple to really help her and I may have thought the song was too simplistic if I didn't have similar emotions.

But I thought about when Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead.  He went to Mary and Martha and wept with them.  I imagine that most of us would have skipped the weeping part.  If we had the power to raise Lazarus from the dead, we would have ran in there and given everyone Kleenexes and told them to dry their eyes. We would have proudly explained that Lazarus would be raised from the dead and everyone could stop crying now.  But Jesus didn't do that...even though He knew the outcome.  He acknowledged the pain they were in without trying to explain it away or "fix" the problem...even though He actually did fix the problem.  I think we often try to "fix" things that we really have no power to fix.  If we can't fix it, sometimes we do nothing because just telling someone you are sorry and that you love them isn't really going to help them anyways.  But, it is the only that really helps...