terminology problems

I have a major issue with some phrases that we like to use and I want to tell you about it.  What is this business about a "post baby body?"  I am so sick of this I could vomit.  My ears cringe when I hear someone say to me or someone else, during the postpartum phase "Oh my gosh! You look soooo amazing."  To which the subject of this compliment usually tries to pretend that they are terribly modest and don't deserve such a compliment.  
Really?  This is sooooo amazing?  What about when you had an entire human being growing inside you? When you were a partner with God in creating a mortal body?  What that really repulsive to look at? Isn't there something far more amazing about that?
 But, in our culture, or society, or in our own brains, we think that there is something far more beautiful and attractive and definitely "AMAZING" about how you look when that little life comes out.  Like there was nothing beautiful about the miracle that just took place.  Oh, but now... .you look amazing!
I really think we should walk up to pregnant women and tell them how amazing they look.  Because if we are being truthful at all, that is the amazing thing.  Not how fast you can fit into you skinny jeans after giving birth.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that we never try to get our "baby weight" off.  I think that's fine and probably the most healthy thing to do for our bodies.  We generally carry more weight around when we have a baby growing inside us for survival purposes.  I am all about working out and eating right.  But, what I can't handle is people saying they are "healthy" when they are really just vain.  We can do sooooo many things in the name of "health" that arne't healthy at all.  But everyone loves and agrees with being "healthy" so we can go on all sorts of weird diets and lose all sight of being "temperate" because we are trying to be "healthy."
You might just all think I am saying this because I am a rather robust pregnant women. If I lived back in the day when famines struck, my body has evolved to survive.  It's quite miraculous. Only now that we don't seem to have much of a famine, people aren't into survival of the fittest kind of bodies. Ha!  I understand what it is like to carry more weight around during this time and how that can affect you psyche. I think it is just good to examine what we value and our real reasons for "getting back in shape." 
Lets all start telling pregnant women (and our pregnant selves) that they LOOK and ARE amazing because creating life is one of the greatest privileges and blessing we will ever have as women.  It shouldn't be something we can't wait to be done with, so we can be "ourselves" again.

forgetfulness

People often say that the only reason you have multiple children is because you "forget" how hard it is.  You forget how hard the pregnancy is... you forget how hard the labor is... you forget how hard the newborn period is.  I tend to NOT agree with this theory.  I may not remember the exact feeling of pain or discomfort that comes from any of this, but I remember how I mentally and emotionally responded to all of these things. and work backwards from there to remind myself how it was.  I remember most of these events with each of my kids pretty vividly.  Most women can give you a play by play of their labor.  They remember if their baby was fussy or calm...if they slept a lot or never did.  You remember your emotions that went along with each phase.  Maybe I am trying to give women a little more credit.  I don't think we are a bunch of forgetful, ignorant women who keep getting pregnant because we "forgot" how bad it was.  Or maybe its just me...

baby bucket list activity #7: berry patch

Berry Patch

For family home evening we went to a berry patch close to our house.  We have gone the last couple of years and it is so much fun.  They have raspberries and blackberries, but we never seem to make in time for the blackberries.  They don't mind you eating as you go, which is the only way we could take our kids : )

Am I glad I know?

I have had lots of people ask me if I am glad that I know: yes, I am.  I am happy that we know what is in Eli's and our future for many reasons.  
I feel like there will be 2 distinct moments for us.  One is shock.  We already did that.  It was terrible.  The next will be loss.  I'm sure that will be worse.  I am grateful that these two very different emotions are spaced out a little.  
I am also grateful for some maternal and personal reasons.  I am happy that I am not busy picking out crib sheets and cute onesies, only to find out later that I will never use them.  I am glad that I won't have an empty room in my house that I might have been busy preparing for our new arrival. I know that if i bring a car seat home from the hospital it will be a surprise and a blessing instead of an expectation.
I am also very happy I know because I feel it has changed my outlook on this pregnancy.  I am grateful for every little kick and squirm inside instead of being annoyed that my back hurts and I am nauseated.  I am grateful for the deeply personal connection I feel to Eli, that I may have not searched for if I thought I would have him for a longer earthly life.  I think that all mom's can have this connection to their babies, but we don't always search for it in such a deliberate way.  We take for granted that oneness that occurs as a life if formed inside of us. I am happy that we get to take him on little outings with our family that we might never have done otherwise.  I am grateful for the personal, spiritual experiences I have had that have helped me understand who Eli is and what his mission is and how the family really is central to God's plan.  
We yearn so desperately to be connected to those we love and those connections will be lost if we aren't sealed in the temple.  I cling to the words of the covenants I have made in a way that I never have before.  It's all we have... and its all that matters in the end.

Miracles

We all love a good, ole' fashioned miracle, don't we? Don't we just love when someone in church tells  about when they received a priesthood blessing and were miraculously healed!? I mean, if they were feeling better a few days later, that's no biggie. We want a malignant tumor to disappear or someone to be raised from the dead. When we talk about Jesus' miracles we frequently cite him healing a blind man  (Jesus healing a blind man) or causing the lame to walk  (John 5:2-9). Why do we like this so much? Because it is quite dramatic, we can't logical explain it with our finite knowledge, and it is usually something that the natural man desires. Less pain, more immediate happiness! 
But, what about all of the other miracles that are less obvious and more subtle? Being able to forgive someone...that is a miracle. Finding the right person to marry...also a miracle in my experience. I said several weeks ago that miracles would come through this experience no matter what happened. If Eli was suddenly healed from trisomy 18, that would be a miracle. We would all get up in church and bear our testimonies about the power of the priesthood. Right? 
But, Eli hasn't been healed from this. So, how can we still believe in "miracles." Did God just say: "Sorry, no miracle this time." No. One of the first blessings I received told me that I would be happy with Gods plan for Eli. That feels like it would be a miracle for me. It wasn't that I could accept it, but BE HAPPY with it. That seems kind of hard sometimes because his outcome almost certainly involves his mortal death. That doesn't seem very happy. So that seems like it will be a miracle because it is quite dramatic and we can't explain it with our finite knowledge.

Righteousness and faith certainly are instrumental in moving mountains—if moving mountains accomplishes God’s purposes and is in accordance with His will. Righteousness and faith certainly are instrumental in healing the sick, deaf, or lame—if such healing accomplishes God’s purposes and is in accordance with His will. Thus, even with strong faith, many mountains will not be moved. And not all of the sick and infirm will be healed. If all opposition were curtailed, if all maladies were removed, then the primary purposes of the Father’s plan would be frustrated.

The following is from a CES devotional talk by David A. Bednar (That we might not shrink)

"Righteousness and faith certainly are instrumental in moving mountains—if moving mountains accomplishes God’s purposes and is in accordance with His will. Righteousness and faith certainly are instrumental in healing the sick, deaf, or lame—if such healing accomplishes God’s purposes and is in accordance with His will. Thus, even with strong faith, many mountains will not be moved. And not all of the sick and infirm will be healed. If all opposition were curtailed, if all maladies were removed, then the primary purposes of the Father’s plan would be frustrated."

There have and will be many more miracles throughout  this experience.  I think that the greatest miracles are, so many times, more inward than outward.  Miracles that change our spiritual heart rather than our physical body.

Dr appt

I had another doctors appointment today. It was uneventful. My blood pressure is normal. Eli's heartbeat was perfect. He was kicking quite a bit before the appointment. I was happy. I decided that maybe I would just go into the doctors office and not look at anyone today (meaning all of the waiting room attendees who are great with child). It proved to be a great tactic. My regular doctor was gone : ( He broke his ankle. How inconvenient for me...just kidding. I was a little disappointed because I had a few questions for him. The doctor I saw is so nice, but I think he would make a great politician. I can't seem to get a definitive answer out of him. He does have lots of comforting and nice things to say, so I can't complain too loudly.

preschool

Lincoln went to his first day of preschool today. I really can't believe he is old enough to go.  He seems so little to me.  He loved it and had no problems saying goodbye.  It was really sweet.