There are a lot of fears as we face this situation. Let me share with you some fears about love. Love doesn't seem that scary, so you might by puzzled by this.
At first, I thought: "What if I don't love him enough?" That may seem silly; how could I not love him enough? He is my son! I felt the length of his life might be directly related to the intensity of my love for him. Normally, (for me), it takes awhile for me to truly "connect" with my baby after they are born. It's not that I DON'T love them. It just doesn't happen all at once. I feel that love grow as they grow and as I get to know their personality. It grows significantly when they start sleeping through the night : ) It was unsettling that I wouldn't have the same amount of time with him.
Then....I thought: "What if I love him too much (as if that can actually happen)?" "What if I love him so much that I can't let him go?" That thought scared me even more.
BUT... I realized that the only love worth having is the later. I realized that I can't be scared to love him fully, even though I know how much more that will break my heart when he's gone. We listen to a lot of music around here and one of Lincoln's favorite songs says:
"Love like I'm not scared..."
Well... maybe I am scared, but I know that is the only love worth having. It's the only love that means anything because it takes a piece of your heart and changes it forever. It is not reserved or conditional or half way. It means giving it all...even when you know what will happen.
And that's how we will love our baby boy.
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