I feel like this sometimes.
If those miracles do not come soon or fully or seemingly at all, remember the Savior’s own anguished example: if the bitter cup does not pass, drink it and be strong, trusting in happier days ahead.
Like a broken vessel
Sunday, August 31, 2014
baby bucket list activity #6: Ogden temple open house
Ogden Temple open house:
We wanted to go to the temple as a family and an open house would be the only opportunity for all the kids to go inside. We were pretty happy that the Ogden temple open house is going on right now. We had a few kinks along the way... like google maps taking us to an LDS church instead of the temple. But despite a few more obstacles, we made it. It is such a wonderful experience to walk through the temple with your kids. You can explain things in a different way because they have a concrete, visual reference point to start from. Things don't seem as vague or mysterious. It is just truth. The celestial room was as beautiful as I had ever seen.
I love the conversations that spark as we talk about Eli and the temple. Katelyn asked if Eli would know us when we got to heaven. I told her that, of course he would. He is her brother, just like Lincoln and Ethan are her brothers. She asked how we would recognize him. I told her that he would know her, and to her surprise, she would know exactly who he was and feel like he had never left. Sometimes I don't know how to answer my kids questions, but as I begin to talk, the spirit teaches me beautiful truths that I may not have thought of otherwise. I felt like my conversation was very casual, like we were talking about her first day of school or something. But, I also felt how sacred it was. I wasn't wondering if I were telling her the truth. I knew I was. I didn't have to think through it either. It just flowed from my lips as if I had prepared the answer in advance.
Everything we do in the church is supposed to prepare us to go to the temple. Why? Because the temple is central to the family, and the family is central to God's plan. There is no church without the family. It would just be another organization. I cling to the covenants and promises I've received in the temple, right now, in a way that I never have. I understand that I am sealed to Jason, Katelyn, Ethan, Lincoln, Eli and to God. Nothing can break it. That really is the only sure thing in life. Death can't change that. It isn't just a nice things to say so we can feel happy and have a sense of false security. It is what binds us together and what binds us to God. Going to the temple and receiving these ordinances is worth every effort, every sacrifice. I can't imagine how troubled I would be if I didn't know these truths with a certainty. I know it more than I know anything else.
If you have a temple recommend, go to the temple. Listen to what you have promised and what power God is giving you to keep those promises. If you don't have a temple recommend, get one. If you aren't worthy, get worthy. Nothing you do in this life will matter more than this.
We go to the temple to be taught by the spirit. We go to the temple to receive comfort and reveleation. We go to the temple to work for our deceased familiy members. We learn how to ask the right questions. We don't go to check it off our to-do list. You will get exactly what you put into it.
Here are some pics of our outing: Ethan got a little smashed in the picture :(
We wanted to go to the temple as a family and an open house would be the only opportunity for all the kids to go inside. We were pretty happy that the Ogden temple open house is going on right now. We had a few kinks along the way... like google maps taking us to an LDS church instead of the temple. But despite a few more obstacles, we made it. It is such a wonderful experience to walk through the temple with your kids. You can explain things in a different way because they have a concrete, visual reference point to start from. Things don't seem as vague or mysterious. It is just truth. The celestial room was as beautiful as I had ever seen.
I love the conversations that spark as we talk about Eli and the temple. Katelyn asked if Eli would know us when we got to heaven. I told her that, of course he would. He is her brother, just like Lincoln and Ethan are her brothers. She asked how we would recognize him. I told her that he would know her, and to her surprise, she would know exactly who he was and feel like he had never left. Sometimes I don't know how to answer my kids questions, but as I begin to talk, the spirit teaches me beautiful truths that I may not have thought of otherwise. I felt like my conversation was very casual, like we were talking about her first day of school or something. But, I also felt how sacred it was. I wasn't wondering if I were telling her the truth. I knew I was. I didn't have to think through it either. It just flowed from my lips as if I had prepared the answer in advance.
Everything we do in the church is supposed to prepare us to go to the temple. Why? Because the temple is central to the family, and the family is central to God's plan. There is no church without the family. It would just be another organization. I cling to the covenants and promises I've received in the temple, right now, in a way that I never have. I understand that I am sealed to Jason, Katelyn, Ethan, Lincoln, Eli and to God. Nothing can break it. That really is the only sure thing in life. Death can't change that. It isn't just a nice things to say so we can feel happy and have a sense of false security. It is what binds us together and what binds us to God. Going to the temple and receiving these ordinances is worth every effort, every sacrifice. I can't imagine how troubled I would be if I didn't know these truths with a certainty. I know it more than I know anything else.
If you have a temple recommend, go to the temple. Listen to what you have promised and what power God is giving you to keep those promises. If you don't have a temple recommend, get one. If you aren't worthy, get worthy. Nothing you do in this life will matter more than this.
We go to the temple to be taught by the spirit. We go to the temple to receive comfort and reveleation. We go to the temple to work for our deceased familiy members. We learn how to ask the right questions. We don't go to check it off our to-do list. You will get exactly what you put into it.
Here are some pics of our outing: Ethan got a little smashed in the picture :(
Here is a little video clip showing exterior pictures of the temple. I didn't realize that they were totally redoing the temple. I thought it was just a little face lift. If you don't live close enough to go... or you didn't go, you should watch this!
Here is a talk by Russell M. Nelson outlining the purposes of LDS temples and how we prepare to enter them:
Friday, August 29, 2014
Squashed
There have been many, many people who have commented on how "strong" me and Jason are. I think it is interesting. I don't feel strong much of the time, and the strength I have is not of my own making. I sure of that. Jason compared this trial to lifting a very heavy object over your head. Not everyone lifts heavy things over their head, just for fun, but Jason does...every once in awhile. Despite his masculinity, he would not lift something over his head that is far too heavy for him, because he doesn't want to hurt himself. You could get squashed if you overestimate your strength.
I feel like I this trial we are passing through feels much like a weight. A pretty heave one. Maybe like a semi truck or something. What would happen if you stopped lifting? We'll, you would get squashed like a little bug. It would be messy. You really have no choice but to lift it. I realize that we always have a choice, but the alternative choice could leave you seriously injured. We have to carry it.
I'm sure you have had thoughts in your life about "what I could never do..."
I have.
But do you seriously think that anyone thinks: "Yes, I think I would be okay if my child dies..." Or "I could handle it if my spouse dies." Nobody thinks they can lift a burden like that.
Because nobody can.
It is like anyone of us trying to lift a semi truck. It isn't possible no matter how strong you are.
When you go thorough something unthinkable, you lift because it is the only choice you have. When you lift, God can help. When you expend you own best efforts, he will make up the rest. And the rest is quite a lot. I have felt so many times that if I just try my best, he will lead me through the difficult moment I am facing. i feel like my best might not be much sometimes, but I know that he will make up the other 99% that I am lacking. He will give me the additional strength to stand. If we aren't willing to try, he can't help us. And even if we squashed, he can fix what we might see as irreparable damage. He can do that.
So it seems to me that your only choices are to lift it up or get squashed. I know Jason would say he prefers bigger muscles to yucky messes.
I feel like I this trial we are passing through feels much like a weight. A pretty heave one. Maybe like a semi truck or something. What would happen if you stopped lifting? We'll, you would get squashed like a little bug. It would be messy. You really have no choice but to lift it. I realize that we always have a choice, but the alternative choice could leave you seriously injured. We have to carry it.
I'm sure you have had thoughts in your life about "what I could never do..."
I have.
But do you seriously think that anyone thinks: "Yes, I think I would be okay if my child dies..." Or "I could handle it if my spouse dies." Nobody thinks they can lift a burden like that.
Because nobody can.
It is like anyone of us trying to lift a semi truck. It isn't possible no matter how strong you are.
When you go thorough something unthinkable, you lift because it is the only choice you have. When you lift, God can help. When you expend you own best efforts, he will make up the rest. And the rest is quite a lot. I have felt so many times that if I just try my best, he will lead me through the difficult moment I am facing. i feel like my best might not be much sometimes, but I know that he will make up the other 99% that I am lacking. He will give me the additional strength to stand. If we aren't willing to try, he can't help us. And even if we squashed, he can fix what we might see as irreparable damage. He can do that.
So it seems to me that your only choices are to lift it up or get squashed. I know Jason would say he prefers bigger muscles to yucky messes.
Thursday, August 28, 2014
baby bucket list activity #5: Cabin retreat
Baby bucket list activity #5: Cabin retreat
We were able to go up to a beautiful cabin northeast of Kamas. This was made possible by some very generous people that Jason works with. We also had one of his good friends lend us his 4-wheelers! It was so kind and we were so excited. I have to be honest. There have been some of the things on our baby bucket list that I do because I know that I will be happy one day that I did. But in the moment, I would rather just sit home and do nothing. Its hard to get up and act excited and happy when my heart is hurting. I do it anyways because I know we will treasure these memories and we will feel closer as a family. This experience was totally different. I had such an enjoyable time. It's not like I forgot about Eli or anything. On the contrary. You never forget what is going to happen. I was able to remember, but truly be happy and enjoy myself. We didn't have things "planned" like I would normally do. We just kind of went with the flow...which is DEFINITELY NOT normal for me. Everything was just perfect. The weather cooperated exactly when we needed it to. It was amazing. The cabin was absolutely gorgeous. I have never been in mountains so beautiful. Who knew this existed? Jason and I have never been up in this area, and we kept looking at each other wondering why we had never seen this beautiful part of UT. It may be the best kept secret in UT. There are serene little lakes everywhere! I have never seen anything like it. We took the 4-wheelers to a perfect little lake called Lily lake. We also visited mirror lake and provo river falls. We have too many pics to post, but here are some fun ones. Thanks again to our wonderful and generous friends for making this experience possible for us.
We were able to go up to a beautiful cabin northeast of Kamas. This was made possible by some very generous people that Jason works with. We also had one of his good friends lend us his 4-wheelers! It was so kind and we were so excited. I have to be honest. There have been some of the things on our baby bucket list that I do because I know that I will be happy one day that I did. But in the moment, I would rather just sit home and do nothing. Its hard to get up and act excited and happy when my heart is hurting. I do it anyways because I know we will treasure these memories and we will feel closer as a family. This experience was totally different. I had such an enjoyable time. It's not like I forgot about Eli or anything. On the contrary. You never forget what is going to happen. I was able to remember, but truly be happy and enjoy myself. We didn't have things "planned" like I would normally do. We just kind of went with the flow...which is DEFINITELY NOT normal for me. Everything was just perfect. The weather cooperated exactly when we needed it to. It was amazing. The cabin was absolutely gorgeous. I have never been in mountains so beautiful. Who knew this existed? Jason and I have never been up in this area, and we kept looking at each other wondering why we had never seen this beautiful part of UT. It may be the best kept secret in UT. There are serene little lakes everywhere! I have never seen anything like it. We took the 4-wheelers to a perfect little lake called Lily lake. We also visited mirror lake and provo river falls. We have too many pics to post, but here are some fun ones. Thanks again to our wonderful and generous friends for making this experience possible for us.
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Wednesday, August 27, 2014
Ultrasound #3
We had our third ultrasound today. I felt MUCH better going into this appointment. I feel like I have had sufficient time to process all of the information we have been given, which has helped my emotional state. We decided to take Katelyn and Ethan because we thought it would be a great experience for them. We left Lincoln home... he might have enjoyed it, but he is too unpredictable for us to take that chance, and I don't he would totally understand what was happening anyways. Our tech wasn't my favorite. I reminded every single person who saw us that we needed the 3D ultrasound machine this time. I usually wouldn't want to ask and ask and ask, but this is pretty important to us. We asked her to do a DVD this time. She said that the machine wasn't working so we couldn't. That is obviously not an acceptable answer for me, because these images are all we will have and we don't even know if we will have another ultrasound. We are supposed to have one in 4 weeks, but you never know! So, I wasn't very happy and she wasn't very sensitive. She tried the machine and the DVD ended up working. I was very happy!
Dr. D on the other hand was phenomenal. She has been so great. She takes as much time as we need to answer all of our questions. She was very kind to the kids (which goes a LONG way with me). She told them that Eli could hear their voices. Now, there is a 50% chance that he can't hear at all, and she is, obviously, well aware of that. She was so kind to try and make this meaningful for them and help them feel connected to Eli. I have often wondered if he can hear us. I figure it there is even a 1% chance he can hear my voice, I'm going to talk to him. She also showed us a great picture of his little fist all clenched up. She said "Look at his fist! He looks so determined!" I was so grateful for her kind spirit, because both she and I know that the clenched fist relates to a neurological problem. But, maybe, it also means he is determined. I am just surprised when the doctors say kind things like this. He was VERY active (as usual) and she commented on this several times acting reassured and surprised. He loves to move his new little body. What a beautiful thing.
Here's what they saw:
1. Growth: he is in the 10th percentile which she was pleased with. It was a little less than last time, but not enough to be worrisome. I don't think they measure perfectly accurately each time either... so about the 10th percentile.
2. Fluid: My fluid was "normal." Normal is 10-20 and mine was 19 cm. So, I would say high normal. I am kind of obsessed with this number because I feel like I have too much fluid. I had too much with Ethan and it is a pretty distinct and uncomfortable feeling. I don't really like 19, but its better than 30. His stomach had fluid in it, which shows he is swallowing. If he stops swallowing the fluid might go up, so they watch his stomach closely too.
3. Placental function: normal
The only thing she was concerned about was my "puffiness." My face is puffy and I feel like my whole body is retaining fluid. They don't worry so much about the fluid, itself, as my blood pressure, but, so far that is fine. I am an increased risk for preeclampsia (basically high blood pressure and all that goes with it) because he has trisomy 18. I am also at an increased risk because I have diabetes. Nice. I have to go to the OB every week to have my blood pressure checked.
I was kind of annoyed about it because HE seems to be progressing well and the only concern was me. I would really be annoyed if I had to deliver him early because of MY physical condition. I never thought that would be a problem.
Here are some beautiful pictures of Eli. I have never seen a 3D ultrasound image with any of my kids and it was amazing. I was so very happy to see his precious little face. It was a beautiful experience.
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Dr. D on the other hand was phenomenal. She has been so great. She takes as much time as we need to answer all of our questions. She was very kind to the kids (which goes a LONG way with me). She told them that Eli could hear their voices. Now, there is a 50% chance that he can't hear at all, and she is, obviously, well aware of that. She was so kind to try and make this meaningful for them and help them feel connected to Eli. I have often wondered if he can hear us. I figure it there is even a 1% chance he can hear my voice, I'm going to talk to him. She also showed us a great picture of his little fist all clenched up. She said "Look at his fist! He looks so determined!" I was so grateful for her kind spirit, because both she and I know that the clenched fist relates to a neurological problem. But, maybe, it also means he is determined. I am just surprised when the doctors say kind things like this. He was VERY active (as usual) and she commented on this several times acting reassured and surprised. He loves to move his new little body. What a beautiful thing.
Here's what they saw:
1. Growth: he is in the 10th percentile which she was pleased with. It was a little less than last time, but not enough to be worrisome. I don't think they measure perfectly accurately each time either... so about the 10th percentile.
2. Fluid: My fluid was "normal." Normal is 10-20 and mine was 19 cm. So, I would say high normal. I am kind of obsessed with this number because I feel like I have too much fluid. I had too much with Ethan and it is a pretty distinct and uncomfortable feeling. I don't really like 19, but its better than 30. His stomach had fluid in it, which shows he is swallowing. If he stops swallowing the fluid might go up, so they watch his stomach closely too.
3. Placental function: normal
The only thing she was concerned about was my "puffiness." My face is puffy and I feel like my whole body is retaining fluid. They don't worry so much about the fluid, itself, as my blood pressure, but, so far that is fine. I am an increased risk for preeclampsia (basically high blood pressure and all that goes with it) because he has trisomy 18. I am also at an increased risk because I have diabetes. Nice. I have to go to the OB every week to have my blood pressure checked.
I was kind of annoyed about it because HE seems to be progressing well and the only concern was me. I would really be annoyed if I had to deliver him early because of MY physical condition. I never thought that would be a problem.
Here are some beautiful pictures of Eli. I have never seen a 3D ultrasound image with any of my kids and it was amazing. I was so very happy to see his precious little face. It was a beautiful experience.
Fabric for blanket
Heather, my wonderful sister, is going to make a special blanket for Eli. Actually 2 special blankets. I'll explain. When he is born we will wrap him in both blankets. We are going to use one of the blankets to make a special bear after he is gone. This is something special that the angel watch program does for us. We think it will be a beautiful and memorable memento. I didn't really want them cutting up the blanket because I would like to have that as well. So, Heather is making 2 identical blankets for him. Here a picture of our family trip to the fabric store.
Tuesday, August 26, 2014
When your world falls apart
How does it feels when your world falls apart? I had never experienced the suddenness of that feeling until we went to our first ultrasound. Everything seems to stop and all of the things that mattered didn't seem to matter anymore. When we were waiting in the waiting room we were talking about how rude it was that in our "culture" it was totally acceptable for a doctor to make you wait for 40 extra minutes, but you would never get away with that in any other industry. Jason had to get back to work for a call and we were a little annoyed. When the ultrasound started I sat back in my comfy seat and thought "This will be the last time I have an initial ultrasound (because we were done having kids...)... I should really enjoy this." We were fairly chatty during the ultrasound...which is kind of abnormal for me. I was very nervous the morning before I left, but brushed is aside because I am always nervous. I kept thinking "I just need to go have the ultrasound so I can be done worrying about this!" When they told us it was a boy, I was very surprised. I was trying to wrap my head around the idea of having another boy. I joked with Jason that Katelyn was going to be soooooo mad and that Jason had a big job now with 3 boys. I was in the clear. I didn't even realize how long the tech was taking, but Jason did. I just kept on joking and talking with Jason. When the tech left she said that there were some concerning things and that the doctor would be in shortly.
I was concerned, but not overly so, at this point. When she came in and started going through the "concerning" items. It seemed to go on for eternity. It was one thing after another; starting with the brain, moving to the heart, and then the hands and leg bone. There were only 4 things but it seemed like the list never ended. She went on to tell us that the stomach, kidneys, feet,etc. looked okay. I remember thinking: "Who cares?! It that supposed to make me feel better? There is something wrong with his brain and his heart!?"
Then she told us that it could be trisomy 13, 18 or 21. She seemed most concerned with trisomy 18. She said that a baby with this would live for a month or less. WHAT????? We went from laughing and talking to... "your baby might die"? I asked if there was any way that this was nothing, and we could come back and everything would be fine. It felt like a stupid question but I wanted to ask. They actually said yes, that these could all end up being fine. I wanted to believe them... She asked us if we would ever consider terminating the pregnancy. It was a little much to absorb in a ten minutes conversation. That wasn't a hard decision and we said no. We had some additional tests we could do and we needed to make a decision as to what we wanted to do. I couldn't really understand what they were saying. What were the tests again? Is there a risk? How accurate are they? Is there a right answer? I just remember looking at Jason hoping he understood what they were saying. She sat there and then asked us if we needed some time to talk about it alone. I said we did... Mostly because I didn't know what was happening. We seemed to figure out which of the three tests to do and planned to come back the next Monday.
Then we had to walk out of the same we came in. But everything seemed different. I didn't want to be bawling when we walked out. I didn't want everyone to think "Oh, that poor girl. Oh, how sad." I also felt like yelling throughout the halls "Don't worry! You are all safe! It happened to me!"
The kids had made a box that said boy or girl on it. The plan was for me to come home with then box full of blue or pink things. I felt confused about what to do. I kept thinking it didn't matter what I did at this point, but I knew it mattered to the kids. I had to tell myself over and over that it IS a boy. That is something I did know at that point. So, I went to wal-mart. It was horrible! I wanted to get the stuff as fast as possible and just get out of there. I didn't care that I was totally crying as I was wandering the aisles. I didn't want to go down the baby aisle with the party supplies. I was hoping to find some blue stuff somewhere else, but in my foggy state I couldn't seem to find anything. I finally did go down the baby aisle and just felt sick. There were some blue balloons that said welcome baby. I wasn't sure if I should buy them. They didn't have any other blue balloons. I wasn't sure if "welcome baby" was going to happen and it made me scared to buy them, but I did. I went home and the kids were so excited to find out what we were having. I could barely stand. Jason had gone back to work to get a few things, but was supposed to be coming home shortly. I couldn't figure out if we should tell the kids what had happened or not. We decided to. I couldn't decide which news to tell them first. We told them that "bad" news first. When we let them open the their special box it was so sad and somber... Like it didn't matter. I know it does matter, but it didn't seem like that.
I remember driving home from the ultrasound and not being worried that anything would happen to me or Jason on the drive. The unthinkable had already happened, so we were done with that.
I wandered around the house most of the day and called a few people. We read a story about a little girl named Abigail that had trisomy 18. It is probably the best story I have read to date. I just couldn't quite stomach that their experience might be mine.
When your world comes crashing down, you feel helpless. It wasn't very many weeks after this that we learned of other families whose worlds had also fallen apart. It's almost too much to believe; I thought I was the only one. I thought everyone else's world was still spinning. It broke my heart to hear of other families close by, who were going through something just as scary and painful... maybe more scary and painful. I began to realize that everyone knew about my experience, but there are people with private, but just as horrific experiences to go through. I'm sure they feel terribly alone and scared. But, I do know that God always knows. He always understands.
I feel like I am forever changed from this experience. I understand that doing nothing is the worst thing I can do. I was always that awkward person who didn't know what to say or do when tragedy struck, and in my fear of offending, or looking stupid, I did nothing. I would think and pray for the person, but never go to them. I felt incapable and always thought someone more capable would rush in to help. I'm sure God sent other people because I was too scared, because he always sends people. I hope to be that person from now on.
Henry B Eyring said the following:
I was concerned, but not overly so, at this point. When she came in and started going through the "concerning" items. It seemed to go on for eternity. It was one thing after another; starting with the brain, moving to the heart, and then the hands and leg bone. There were only 4 things but it seemed like the list never ended. She went on to tell us that the stomach, kidneys, feet,etc. looked okay. I remember thinking: "Who cares?! It that supposed to make me feel better? There is something wrong with his brain and his heart!?"
Then she told us that it could be trisomy 13, 18 or 21. She seemed most concerned with trisomy 18. She said that a baby with this would live for a month or less. WHAT????? We went from laughing and talking to... "your baby might die"? I asked if there was any way that this was nothing, and we could come back and everything would be fine. It felt like a stupid question but I wanted to ask. They actually said yes, that these could all end up being fine. I wanted to believe them... She asked us if we would ever consider terminating the pregnancy. It was a little much to absorb in a ten minutes conversation. That wasn't a hard decision and we said no. We had some additional tests we could do and we needed to make a decision as to what we wanted to do. I couldn't really understand what they were saying. What were the tests again? Is there a risk? How accurate are they? Is there a right answer? I just remember looking at Jason hoping he understood what they were saying. She sat there and then asked us if we needed some time to talk about it alone. I said we did... Mostly because I didn't know what was happening. We seemed to figure out which of the three tests to do and planned to come back the next Monday.
Then we had to walk out of the same we came in. But everything seemed different. I didn't want to be bawling when we walked out. I didn't want everyone to think "Oh, that poor girl. Oh, how sad." I also felt like yelling throughout the halls "Don't worry! You are all safe! It happened to me!"
The kids had made a box that said boy or girl on it. The plan was for me to come home with then box full of blue or pink things. I felt confused about what to do. I kept thinking it didn't matter what I did at this point, but I knew it mattered to the kids. I had to tell myself over and over that it IS a boy. That is something I did know at that point. So, I went to wal-mart. It was horrible! I wanted to get the stuff as fast as possible and just get out of there. I didn't care that I was totally crying as I was wandering the aisles. I didn't want to go down the baby aisle with the party supplies. I was hoping to find some blue stuff somewhere else, but in my foggy state I couldn't seem to find anything. I finally did go down the baby aisle and just felt sick. There were some blue balloons that said welcome baby. I wasn't sure if I should buy them. They didn't have any other blue balloons. I wasn't sure if "welcome baby" was going to happen and it made me scared to buy them, but I did. I went home and the kids were so excited to find out what we were having. I could barely stand. Jason had gone back to work to get a few things, but was supposed to be coming home shortly. I couldn't figure out if we should tell the kids what had happened or not. We decided to. I couldn't decide which news to tell them first. We told them that "bad" news first. When we let them open the their special box it was so sad and somber... Like it didn't matter. I know it does matter, but it didn't seem like that.
I remember driving home from the ultrasound and not being worried that anything would happen to me or Jason on the drive. The unthinkable had already happened, so we were done with that.
I wandered around the house most of the day and called a few people. We read a story about a little girl named Abigail that had trisomy 18. It is probably the best story I have read to date. I just couldn't quite stomach that their experience might be mine.
When your world comes crashing down, you feel helpless. It wasn't very many weeks after this that we learned of other families whose worlds had also fallen apart. It's almost too much to believe; I thought I was the only one. I thought everyone else's world was still spinning. It broke my heart to hear of other families close by, who were going through something just as scary and painful... maybe more scary and painful. I began to realize that everyone knew about my experience, but there are people with private, but just as horrific experiences to go through. I'm sure they feel terribly alone and scared. But, I do know that God always knows. He always understands.
I feel like I am forever changed from this experience. I understand that doing nothing is the worst thing I can do. I was always that awkward person who didn't know what to say or do when tragedy struck, and in my fear of offending, or looking stupid, I did nothing. I would think and pray for the person, but never go to them. I felt incapable and always thought someone more capable would rush in to help. I'm sure God sent other people because I was too scared, because he always sends people. I hope to be that person from now on.
Henry B Eyring said the following:
"When I was a young man, I served as counselor to a wise district president in the Church. He tried to teach me. One of the things I remember wondering about was this advice he gave: “When you meet someone, treat them as if they were in serious trouble, and you will be right more than half the time.”
I thought then that he was pessimistic. Now, more than 40 years later, I can see how well he understood the world and life."
God sent us to help each other we don't have to be anyone special to give special aid. We just have to get over ourselves and trust that we can be instruments in the hands of God.
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